Ninjas can be gangsters too
by Alchemyhearts
Summary: Crack in a can. Naruto watches a TV show about gangsters, and decides to become one himself. Chaos unfolds as he ropes more people in with him.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Let's be honest now, If I owned Naruto, I wouldn't be posting stories on FANfiction, would I?**

**This'll be a continued story, and it's also a rewrite, as I have matured some now. Be warned, there will be OOC, and it's pure crack in a bag.**

Team seven were waiting for the perverted trainer of theirs to show up, as per usual. It must've hit the 10 minute mark before Naruto had gotten bored of playing the "When I'm Hokage" movie in his inner mind theater. "Psst, SASUKE!" whispered Naruto, casually jabbing his friend whilst doing so.

"What Naruto." replied the Uchiha, monotonously. Continuing with the -rather loud- whispering, the blonde ninja continued: "I have an amazing idea!". Sasuke, dumbfounded by this point, also became wrapped up in the whispering. "Naruto, you had an IDEA?" Complete with blush, and Hinata-esque finger motions, the ninja casually rephrased his sentence. "Well, I kind of stole it from a documentary I watched last night.." Again, Sasuke found this point hard to believe, which he made clear by his now raised eyebrow, and unamused face. "OK, so I had no intention of watching it, but I had to change the channel..." Noticing, the ellipsis in his fellow teammate's speech, Sasuke left a "Tell the story, I have time pause"

After all, Kakashi was going to be a while.

Completely disregarding the female member of the team's presence, the young Uzumaki began to tell his rather embarrassing story. "So, last night I was watching you know, one of _those _channels, when Kakashi barges in to check that I have fresh milk in my fridge, so immediately I changed the cha-"

"You know, it IS Kakashi we're talking about, he wouldn't have cared if you were watching one of _those _shows, Hell, he'd probably watch it too!" interrupted the pokeball clad male. Face palming, Naruto carried on. "You see the thing is, I had every intention of watching one of _those_ shows, by myself. Because seriously, do you really want to watch people doing _those_ things- WITH KAKASHI-SENSEI?" Sasuke blinked, once, twice, thrice. He then, very slowly, made an increasingly disgusted expression, before shuddering. "You know, I think I agree."

"Naruto! You are so disgusting!" Yelled what seemed to be Sakura's fist, as it hit Naruto smack bang on the cheek. "oww! Sakura!" groaned the blonde boy, caressing his cheek in an attempt to remove the pain. "You said that you were bringing a bento for lunch, not another Knuckle sandwich! They don't taste good!" Both Sakura, and Sasuke exchanged glances as they shared the same thought: _That joke wasn't even remotely funny. _

Twenty minutes down the line, and Sakura had gotten bored of making failed advances towards her beloved "Sasuke-kun", and the orange-jumpsuit wearing 'ninja' could continue his conversation. "But anyway, I was thinking, a good way to become stronger, is to become a 'Gangster!'" At first, Sasuke felt like correcting his comrade's wording- Naruto actually insinuated that he had a brain- but then he too thought about it. The mafia ARE pretty strong, both in force and money. There's lots of them too, so it could make restoring his clan a lot easier. ".. and how, do you propose we do that?"

"I have this amazing, fool-proof plan! It's actually gonna work so well, Believe it!"

¬.¬ "I'm not sure I believe it just yet, but it's sure as hell worth a shot."


	2. Chapter 2

So, you see, my name is not Masashi Kishimoto. I am a fan of the Naruto series, and I have no ownership.

After a long day spent tiresomely chasing after a cat, that quite frankly did not want to be caught, team seven disbanded for the night. First to separate from the group was Kakashi- due to being distracted by a particularly youthful-feeling Gai. Likewise, Sakura disjoined from the group do to a "Stupid Ino-pig" arriving to gloat on her team's recent mission completion. The final two members of the team walked together, in order to discuss Naruto's 'Fool-Proof plan'.

"Basically" began the said ninja, whilst pulling out a folded piece of paper from his orange pocket. "I written down this plan last night" Unfolding the paper, the ninja began to read aloud: "How to become a gangster: Step one: To be Gangster, you must Look Gangster" with a sense of pride, Naruto then Re-folded the paper, and placed it back into his pocket. "Naruto.. Y U NO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY?" asked Sasuke, with a very befitting facial expression. Shaking his head, the blonde explained. "Sasuke, Sasuke...Sasgay. In order to be Gangster, you Must look Gangster. It's exactly the same with being a ninja. Believe it."

"Considering the fact that you're wearing orange, which by the way has connotations of attention seeking, I think it's worth skipping that step." replied Sasuke, finding it hard to even understand the logic behind the first 'step'. "This is my getup for anime protagonist. And I seem to be doing a damn good job considering the size of the Naruto franchise nowadays!" retorted Naruto, as he very casually broke the fourth wall. Naturally, Sasuke took this as a competition, and -close to raising his voice, might I add- Sasuke replied: "Protagonist or not, I still steal nearly all the storyline." Smirking, Naruto simply uttered "You're just worried that I will be far more gangsta than you."

within ten minutes, the two had obtained a change in scenery. Money at the ready, they decided it was time for a wardrobe upgrade. Of course, when one is suddenly given the task 'Look Gangster', one struggles to know exactly what to wear, so at first the two decided to individually inspect the store for possible ensembles. "But Really Sasuke, A butt-bow? Seriously? It's just not doing you any favors!" exclaimed Naruto, as he evaluated his 'comrades' outfit choice. "And that shirt... it's so lose, I feel inclined to say tits or GTFO. That is definitely not Gangsta." feeling slighty hurt by the critique, Sasuke immediately stated the downfalls in Naruto's choice of outfit. "You look exactly the same. Except where your jacket should be blue, is now black. You still do not look gangster." Both sighing, they opted for a second attempt.

This time, emerging from the changing rooms were two ninjas who looked like they had just arrived from a goldie lookin' chain music video. Both wearing shiny tracksuits, headache inducing jackets, and a lot of gold looking chains. "You know, I think we might have the wrong type of gangster.." said Naruto, examining the way his bottoms shined in the light. Sasuke said nothing, however in his head, he was planning the many, many things he would write about in his secret emo blog later that night.

For a third and hopefully final time, the ninjas appeared from the dressing room curtains. Sasuke was wearing a black suit, jacket open, as was the blue shirt underneath, revealing a blue vest top with the Uchiha clan symbol on (After all, he had no intentions of forgetting his main goal) where as Naruto had opted for another black suit, with an orange t shirt underneath- Orange worked for him, so he had no intentions on excluding it from his outfit. However, as gangster as the two looked, the price tags on the outfits did not. "Maybe if we had actually caught that cat" said Sasuke, looking almost disheartened. (You see he was practicing basic gangster behaviour and trying not to show emotions) "Mmm. Maybe we should come back for these when we have the money" Replied Naruto, regretting not using the 2-for-1 ramen coupon he had last night.

In the end, the two did decide to skip that step.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Well... you know how it is, I don't own Naruto, and I mean, if you've read the previous two chapters, you should have got that by now.. xD**

**P.S: I hope you guys don't get offended by my rather well, offensive disclaimer notes...**

"!" Yelled Naruto, from a rather unnecessary vantage point. He yelled this once more, before jumping down to face his friend. "Well hello, Mr. Main character" replied Sasuke monotonously. After briefly basking in his glory, the blonde cut straight to the chase. "I think it's about time we worked on the second part of my plan." Raising an eyebrow, the black haired ninja braced himself as Naruto pulled out the now very familiar folded piece of paper. "Step one: Postponed until there are adequate funds.. Step two: In order to be gangster, one must speak gangster." Puzzled at the idea of "Gangster" actually being a language, Sasuke made a very vague facial expression. (see: Sasuke's usual face) "Dame, Go dangle with the Twists for a bit, and watch as the Godfather of Trouble boys Chins" …

"Naruto, the only word I understood in that sentence was 'Go'" Shaking his head, Naruto continued: " Open your trap, I'll start spitting, and you tail it."

..."Naruto, I don't know what you're saying!" exclaimed the -now very confused- Uchiha, who also began worrying about the meaning behind his 'friend's words... "Don't be such a sap! Ya just gotta Jaw! Ya savvy now?"

"NO! NO I AM NOT "SAVVY"! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING NARUTO?" yelled the now extremely confused ninja, who was quite frankly fed up of Naruto speaking in some kind of foreign language. "Dunt get yo' nickahs in a twist, dawg!" laughed Naruto, who had now swapped gangster style, most likely because he himself did not know any more vocabulary. "What even! What you are saying now, and what you were saying then are completely different!" said Sasuke, veins popping. "Fo' shizzle. But why you trippin foo, Homey?" by this point, Naruto had become a fan of talking "Gangsta", and even starting shifting his legs in an awkward fashion, which was probably his attempt at the infamous gangster walk.

"Naruto, what the hell are you doing?"enquired a familiar voice from behind the two of them. After temporarily freezing on the spot, Naruto pulled his usual cheesy grin, whilst another very familiar bark was sounded. "Oh, hey Kiba! I was err, just showing Sasuke my gangster walk." Sasuke then made a very agitated nod, as if to say 'I've just been stood here watching, not thinking about joining in'. Shaking his head, Kiba temporarily placed his beloved Akamaru in the hands of Naruto, and ordered him to step aside. "You see, THIS is how a pro does it" proclaimed the hooded Inuzuka, before performing his own take on the gangster walk. Sasuke thought it adequate to clap after the display, and Akamaru barked in applause. Naruto did nothing, as he was holding the said dog. "How do you do that?" asked Sasuke, somewhat intrigued by team eight's self-proclaimed leader's adaptation of the gangster walk. "Well, it's simple, I simply start b-"

"Never mind that!" exclaimed Naruto, energetically placing Akamaru back into the hands of his owner. "Do you know how to speak gangster?" Veins popping, and gritting his teeth in a style that matched his dogs, Kiba replied almost instantly: "I'll give you some chin music if you interrupt me when I'm chinning again, Naruto! I jaw better than the droppers themselves!" Naruto very happily hi-fived Kiba at this point, and then they spent some time discussing how they learnt this language of sorts together with Shikamaru and Choji when they were skipping class. Sasuke on the other hand, fully understood the idea of ninjas disappearing in the shadows, as it seemed that was exactly what he was doing.

Kiba and Naruto then performed an elaborate handshake, which acted as a signal for the duck-butt styled-hair wearing ninja to once again pay attention. "Kiba's joined our team, Believe it!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry. It's been ages since I updated. I forgot this thing existed orz. **

**You can take a guess, but I don't own Naruto**

…**...**

Akamaru remained sprawled out, rolling and basking in the sun. Tail wagging tongue out. On the other hand, Kiba: his owner, master, partner in crime, had much bigger things to attend to. With a poker face that could rival lady gaga, the ninja worked at arranging the cards in his hand. Determination to win higher than Naruto after winning a battle.

Naruto could feel the sweat dripping from his forehead. It was hot- but the weather couldn't match the intense heat of this battle. He needed one queen, and then he stood a chance of winning. The stakes were high and the bets were huge- not that he could afford much in the first place, but Naruto certainly couldn't afford to lose.

Sasuke remained calm, scanning his cards furiously. At that moment, he could feel a huge shadow looming over him. The chances of him losing were... small, he thought to himself. But there was still a chance. And what worried him, is that how could the prodigy child, last of the Uchiha clan lose to a dog owner and orange? Clearing his throat, Sasuke calmly said: Go Fish.

Slamming his cards down, Naruto was pissed. Now he was going to pick up a card he didn't want, like a seven. He couldn't care less if the other two were after sevens, he had his sights set on the cooler cards.

At this point, Sasuke became curious. Rather than the ominous darkness behind him clearing, it had shifted slightly. He thought he would turn around. But that would be an uncool thing to do.

Naruto placed his palm on the deck of cards. " Better be a queen, believe it" exclaimed the blonde. He then proceeded by swiftly swiping a card off the deck and examining it. Groaning, he put it to the side. The last thing he needed, was a 2.

At this point, the shadow decided to make it's entrance. "Aren't you supposed to play by the rules?" queried the unknown person. Sasuke halted, and turned his head mechanically, until the spectator was in full view. "Neji?" asked Naruto, already in the process of clearing a seat off for the ninja. "Mmm. Though, surely, the Uchiha would know, that if he has a card that someone wants, it's fate that he's going to have to give it up."

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke begrudgingly peeled the queen he had been saving till his turn. He wanted to take the three Naruto had. Slowly, he stretched out his hand, passing the much wanted card to his nakama. Naruto immediately snatched it away, matched it with his other queens and placed the new pile on the table.

"Now that I'm winning, I say we start a new game. Neji here can join us."

Kiba raised an eyebrow. For one, Naruto had gotten ahead of himself. He had only got two sets, just because they were kings and queens, does not mean they beat Kiba's three sets. Also, this was supposed to be an attempt at the third agenda: 'act like a gangster', surely inviting another member to the game throws the entire thing?

" I see" said Neji, who had been informed on the whole thing, in a rather over excited, yet detail-lacking manner, thanks to Uzumaki. "So, are you any good at cheating?"

"Well, I have byakugan."


	5. Chapter 5

IdonotownNaruto

…...

"Now the party don't start till I walk in!"

Sasuke thought this was a much more...productive idea than his comrade's previous 'steps'. Of this, he was absolutely certain.

Of course, the lead up to this entertaining climax was less than desirable. In fact, the rate at which he blogged had increased 300%.

-time for Sasuke to give our readers a hopefully enjoyable flashback-

The 'gang/mob/crew' that they had formed was beginning to take shape. However, it finally occurred to Naruto that some math was involved with being a gangster. The more members in your entourage, the more you have to spread the earnings. And after Naruto found out that everyone else was more successful at cheating than himself, he did not want to waste his winnings on everyone else.

It was decided, that the group needed a source of income.

Of course. That was deciding done for the day, since math had been involved, and Naruto declared that they would come back to the situation in a week.

At this point, no one really predicted any kind of development. Naruto would churn out something predictable, and obvious, like: 'eat like a gangster', Kiba... he could potentially think of something, though Naruto would be stubborn, and insist on his idea. Neji wouldn't bother, what ever happens, would be fated to happen. And Sasuke? He'd just feel a bit like Akatsuki Kain, a victim of circumstances.

Seven days later, Naruto had requested everyone meet him for Ramen.

"So here's the deal. Bushy Brows wants to join our crew. I mean, he's strong and everything, but gangsters... well we're supposed to you know, be a lot more... cool? Right? Yeah, I'm right! Anyway, I was a bit put on the spot what with his... youthful determination, so told him he needed to pass a loyalty test- you know, I seen people do it in movies."

"Cut to the chase Naruto, this story is boring me." Ordered Inazuka, whilst placing his dog on his lap.

"So. I couldn't really come up with anything big, and in the end I just said...'You can be bouncer at our exclusive party. So, if he ever asks when it is..."

"Wait, we're throwing a party?" inquired Sasuke, attempting to sound as unamused as possible.

It was really difficult for Sasuke to continue his emo role as their gang discussed plans for their future party. Because goddamnit, Sasuke was going to be rocking the club all night, looking potentially as fashionable as Kim Kibum. Of course, this was what the Uchiha thought, I'll let you guys decide for yourself how stylish le sasuke could be~


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys, got a mind blowing piece of information for you! I legit do not own Naruto.

…...

Sasuke began furiously jumping around the room, trying to squeeze in to his skinnies, and amidst the concentration, he decided not to bother treating you guys with the second half of the flashback, he'd leave that to Neji, since he was the sort of guy to get the job done.

Neji really couldn't care less about the party, he was almost certain that his teammate was going to request entry, despite being the bouncer. Or worse, Gai sensei might attempt to get in. As youthful as the party was, it was most certainly at a level of youthfulness that the original bushy brows could not reach. And the flashback? Neji has no interest, because heck, one way or another the author will have to explain the past, it was fate.

Well Ha Ha Neji, I'm going to make Kiba explain it instead. /wait... that doesn't really work...

Kiba was in a very good mood. He thought that the turn of events was enough proof that he was a worthy leader of their 'group' 'gang' 'entourage'. Of course, Naruto may object, but at the end of the day, Naruto hadn't really been leading them to doing anything eventful as of late. Maybe at the next meet up he'd suggest a vote for the head, you know the big boss. After pointing out of course, his leadership skills once again. Heck, maybe he'd throw in a free puppy for those who vote for him.

cue flashback

"Look, if we are pro gangsters, we really need to have a successful party. I mean, otherwise we'll just like wannabes, And I don't mean that as in the song 'Wanna B'" Stated Kiba, realising this was his time to take the lead, before Sasuke attempted to turn it in to some angsty get together with his followers.

"On that note" said Naruto, raising his hand, as if in a class "It's probably worth playing hip hop music. Some people may be attracted to that type of gangster" Sasuke groaned a little, he was totally not prepared for dancing to that genre of music, this was something he was going to have to investigate!

"Right Right!" encouraged the Inazuka male, happy to appear as party manager."But the real secret to a good party, is promotion! I mean, generally, the math is that guys go to pull.." he paused then, allowing his friends to think it over, and nod "Where as girls go to parties to get free drinks?" He again allowed for his 'audience' to ponder over his 'male math', before watching them nod, realising where all their money goes.

This is when Naruto had another idea, suddenly standing up, he swiftly uncrumpled a piece of paper, revealing it to the rest of them. "This!" exclaimed Naruto "is a list of all of us, in order of looks." nodded Naruto, feeling slightly proud. The others quickly crowded round the list, expecting to be first, ready to gloat. At that moment, Naruto stuck his fingers in his ears, ready to bypass the completely nonsensical complaints about why he had put himself as number one.

Sasuke wasn't too sure how he had ended up last. Maybe Naruto, all along, was in desperate need of glasses. He just couldn't comprehend. He was freaking Sasuke Uchiha, again, Sasuke Uchiha. He was from the Uchiha clan, if the anime and manga series hadn't already proved that to be of importance, then he was proving it now. Most importantly though, How did Kiba rank second? In fact, how did Neji even, beat him? Naruto must have been wearing rose tinted glasses when he looked in the mirror when he made that list too, but Sasuke couldn't be bothered to deal with that at the time. He had a worse matter at hand.


End file.
